How many of us have them?
Ones we can depend on
Ok so, I may be telling my age here but when I initially got the inspiration for this blog topic, the intro to Whodini’s “Friends” immediately came to mind. My 80s/90s upbringing gives me an infinite rolodex of TV sitcoms, Saturday morning cartoons and hip hop to pull on when I need a relatable reference to support anything I am talking about.
What’s been up beautifuls? I have been on about a month long hiatus but, I am slowly making my return to the digital world. (I’ll explain later.) So, here I am, sitting up at 1 something in the morning, (almost 2 to be exact) and I was thinking of what to write about. I came across this dope picture on the interwebs and it reminded me of the topic of friendship.
Growing up, I was a Military brat so in turn, we moved around more than your average black family. Even with all that I endured as a kid, I was blessed to live in beautiful places. I started off in my hometown of St. Louis, Mo and then we were shipped out west to Cali when I was 8. This move forced me to be uprooted from my family and all of my childhood best frans. It took me a while to make friends with anyone in Cali because, I was new to this Military thing. Most kids had already become accustomed to moving around by this age so they made friends easily. I was the shy type. Quiet. Insecure. Unsure. Quirky. Wannabe tough. I began people watching at a very young age. This skill helped me to be very selectful (yes, selectful) of whom I chose to befriend.
We lived in Cali for about 5 years and then we moved to Hawaii when I was 13. I was only there for a blink in time before we moved again to Colorado when I was 15.
Throughout this time, I had had several best friends. I would do my best to write letters when either my friends or I would move (because there was no internet) to keep in touch with my childhood buddies but, because kids have short attention spans, out of sight, out of mind, I was. I entered my adulthood when the Military moved us one last time, landing me in Ohio. By this time, I had grown in my friendship journey although, I had no bestie to call my own. Even in that, I have discovered three main friends that I feel are crucial to the healthy emotional and social life of every woman. Just like our precious eco-system needs the cycle of life to be complete, I think that in order for us to remain challenged and emotionally healthy in our relationships with others, we too must have a healthy balance of friends that we keep within our inner circle.
Here are three relationships that every woman should have:
- The Confidant. The confidant is that one friend we all have who’s lips are sealed tight. She’s trustworthy, she’s honest, and you can confide ANYTHING with her. She’s that one you call when bae is giving you the absolute blues. She’s the one you can tell all of your dirty, triflin’ business to. When you need to vent, or hop on your personal soap box, she’s there with the keenest listening ear. Whether it’s 2:43am in the morning, or in the middle of the day after you’ve just given your boss a piece of your mind, she never sends your calls to voicemail. Why is this relationship a necessity? Simple. We, as women, are emotional beings. We are intricate thinkers. We love hard. We endure a lot. We put up with a lot. We are strong, courageous, feisty, mouthy and yet we can be delicate and easily hurt at the same time. While emotions such as anger, betrayal, hurt, joy, and happiness are natural, when it comes to experiencing each of them, we are hard wired to share what we feel with others who are important to us. When we keep painful things to ourselves, they can become toxic. We need friends, whom we can trust, that we can talk to…even if it’s nothing but to vent. We need friends to tell us when we are wrong, those that will talk us off the ledge, or those who will hug us and wipe our tears when we are hurt. It’s healthy for us to talk about our emotions with someone who we can trust. The Confidant will listen, hear both sides of the story, give you sound advice, and love you the same when it’s all said and done.
- The “I Got You.” The “I Got You” will have your back, no. matter. what. If she has $2, then you have $2. If she has a 5 piece nugget from Wendy’s, then you know 2 of them nuggets are yours…at least. She will never let you go without. When you get that job, she’s cheering for you like she got the job. When you are happy, she’s happy. When you’re sad, she’s right there with you. She’s the one who hid those size 9 black leather heels for you in another department until you were able to make your way in to go get them. The “I Got You” is the type of friend where, if you lack edges (for whatever reason), then she’s tucking hers in so the two of you can be edgeless together. No sense of one of ya’ll prospering. She’s a true ride or die. Why can’t you be without this friend? We all need people around us that truly support us and that have our best interest at heart. There’s nothing worse than “going through” all alone. When we have a healthy support system, it gives us an extra sense of security, love and accomplishment. We are more liable to take risks, if we feel that our closest family and friends are in support of our decisions. You couldn’t het rid of “I Got You” if you wanted to. She that true “through thick and thin” friend we all need.
- The “Get in Formation.” The name alone speaks for itself. The “Get in Formation” is the one who, when everyone else in was still into shopping and staying out late, she was learning about investments and started saving for a house. She still makes it a point to have fun with the girls but when she’s around, she’s challenging everyone to do better and want better. She’s confident, ambitious, assertive, and she knows exactly what she wants in life. For her, time is money. Formation already has her masters degree but now she is networking and meeting with investors for this new app she’s been talking about developing. Formation is the one who you call on when you want to share your hopes, dreams, and ambitions. She encourages you to be that dream chaser; that go getter. Formation has the natural knack to pull your inner girl boss all the way out of you. She truly believes in your potential. “Get in Formation” is that one who tells you to just walk away from the foolishness….because it’s truly not worth your time. Just being around her gives you a different outlook on life and inspires you to…well…GET IN FORMATION. This is a necessary friendship because we all need that kick in the shins to help us stay focused. Life is always throwing a curveball of distraction and without that extra push and sway from a trusted friend, we just may get caught up in the ratrace of life and forgo the pursuing of something better. As we get older, we are less likely to take risks and implement new habits. Having a friend like Formation will help you to remain in a constant state of growth, challenge, and a desire to achieve your life goals.
The bonus friend is that one who you can have a good time with. I figured, those friends are a lot easier to come by that the others so, I won’t go into that one here. I more so wanted to get you thinking about you who may have already surrounded yourself with, and where there may be slots of vacancies.
So, what friend are you? What friends do you need to add to your inner circle? Let’s all commit to making sure we have a healthy ratio of friends around us to can help, support, and encourage us.